Brief thoughts on healthy relationships

Mind you, my relationship isn't the absolute transcendent example of perfection for all time, but it's about as close as you get - especially with someone like me (not as a good or a bad thing, but just with my personal set of quirks). It's really awesome.

And a recent post somewhere on Pandagon that, in the comments thread, trailed into discussions on shaving legs and other stuff, some of us ended up talking about partners who didn't care whether or not we did, and I had a brief, but hard, think about that.

It would be hilarious if it weren't sad, how socialized women are to think that there's a very specific set of ways that a man can demonstrate love to a woman. Because of how I got used to being treated by other guys, I have a very hard time when being treated like a simple equal by a partner. When my partner doesn't tease me about not shaving my legs, I start wondering - is he even attracted to me, that he doesn't notice that? Why doesn't he want me to wear crappy expensive stupid uncomfortable lingerie? It must mean that he doesn't love me! He would want me to have liposuction if he was really attracted to me! If he really respected me, he would treat me like an object! So what gives?

Goddess, our society is stupid. I'm grateful for having a partner who is both patient and who thinks I'm beautiful regardless of the choices I make in regards to what is, truly, my body.

He doesn't expect me to clean. Why? Because I'm not his maid. He doesn't expect me to do anything other than contribute in whatever way I see fit, and be myself and be honest with him. I mean, crazy, right?

Respect is hard work, because it requires more effort to be your authentic self with someone at all times, but it is so much more rewarding than doing whatever the hell it is that other guys tend to expect you to do. It leaves you to decide what to do with yourself and your life, without having someone else decide it for you. It leaves you to your own devices, and I still am not comfortable with that all the time.

But it's nice to know that I'm loved, truly loved, not because I clean a house, not because I shave my legs or wear what I'm supposed to or say whatever it is you're supposed to say or put out, but just because I'm me - the me who doesn't particularly like to clean, who forgets to spend so much time maintaining my body to patriarchal standards, who hates makeup, who says awkward things at awkward time and isn't very good at faking feelings. He just kinda loves me. That's rare, because guys are taught that, if you love a girl, you'll show it by keeping a constant critique of her body, and girls are taught that, if a guy loves you, he'll silently or not-so-silently express disapproval of you.

And now I have all this "being happy" nonsense to adjust to. Great. Next thing you know, my daughter will catch wind of this the way that kids do, and she'll expect her partners to treat her with respect and dignity at all times. See what feminism does to society, folks?

On a slightly related note, I love this song, lyrics here.