Lately I've been having atheist moments when I think about the fact that our universe is a finite thing that will eventually either implode or grow to the point of unsustainability. I'm not talking our planet, which clearly is finite, or our solar system, which is clearly finite, or our galaxy, which is clearly finite. I'm talking about the universe - which is, essentially, everything, as far as we know, and which, until yesterday, was what I thought of as the be-all-end-all when, really, it's simply the beginning.
However, yesterday I talked to Rob about it, and I hadn't thought it through entirely until then - that, if the universe is finite, there has to be something beyond it. I mean, sure, the universe is infinite per the standard of our puny, crappy human brains (and, for a moment, I understand Brother Cavil's beef), but that doesn't mean that the universe, or what is beyond it, is limited to our perceptions.
So, what is beyond the universe?
And, suddenly, it floods back in - this faith, that this infinity is what I worship. This concept that there is more than what we see, even if what we see is infinite, that there is infinity beyond the infinity we call the universe, and that we are not capable of comprehending the tiniest speck of infinity - we are hardly even capable of comprehending the vastness of the diversity of life found on our teeny dustball of a planet, much less the unbelievable vastness of our universe, and then that something might even be beyond that which we already cannot comprehend.
What else is out there? Is it alternate universes? I am a strong believer that life is Schrodinger's cat, and that every time a decision is made or something happens, two, or more, world, or universes, split off, in which every possible option was taken. So, beyond our universe, are there infinite expressions of this quandary of the live or dead cat?
Are there simply more universes beyond ours that are like ours? Is there someone in another completely unrelated universe who had that conversation last night?
And I love it, because it just reaffirms that, ultimately, what I worship is concept, is abstract, is both concrete and insubstantial - I worship this idea, this infinity, whether in its limited expression as a tree or as a planet or as a species (the humanist aspect), or as the sun and moon as expressions of the masculine and feminine, which are the ways in which our fatally limited human minds can grasp this infinite, or in the concept of the infinite beyond it, of the universe, of the possibility of more than even the universe. I worship potential. I worship the incomprehensible and put faces on it that make it easier to understand, and view life through the lens of a limited being, which I accept, but, ultimately, I think it would do us well as a race to try and remember just how very huge everything is and just how very tiny and insignificant we are, because it makes war over anything, much less how we choose to worship, or not worship, this concept of the infinite (which is, ultimately, the principle beyond most religion - whether as creator, initiator, or simply an expression of existence itself, the force behind it all is being worshipped), seem absolutely ridiculous.
It's also why I do believe in life after death as we know it. Everything is infinite; matter cannot be created or destroyed, and I see no reason why this would not apply to consciousness, even if it's simply the feeding of a global consciousness that feeds into a cosmic consciousness.
Just some random thoughts.
I don't need to take psychedelics to think like this - I just do. It's just how I experience reality. And I'm worried, to a degree, that any medication to help me, well, participate in reality the same way that everyone else does, to put it bluntly, will limit my ability to actually think in a conceptual manner. I am really worried.
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