Just lay back and let him finish his business, ladies!

Hat tip to Pandagon.

I posted a link on my Facebook status that links to the first part of a two-article series on why women should have sex with their men, no matter what, unless she is sick or under extreme emotional duress, and my jaw dropped.

This sentence wonderfully sums up the sentiment behind the article:

"Partially in response to the historical denigration of women’s worth, since the 1960s, there has been an idealization of women and their feelings."

Of course, the writer is absolutely incapable of comprehending how this is a batshit insane statement to make. "Because we now value women less, we place too much value on their autonomy."

What a dickhead.

Another particularly offensive aspect of this is the fact that the author discusses giving in to sex when one isn't in the mood on the same level with giving in to other demands in your life when you are not inclined. I wonder if he has ever even considered why rape and sexual assault are such egregious offenses when compared to others.

"Of course, most women never regard it as hypocritical and rightly regard it as admirable when they meet their child’s or parent’s or friend’s needs when they are not in the mood to do so. (I wonder if he considers it equally noble when a male sacrifices his desires in order to please other people, or if he moreso considers it simply part of being a "proper" female.) They do what is right in those cases, rather than what their mood dictates. (Unlike real, manly men, who are slaves to their own will only - especially their animalistic sexual desires, which rampage uncontrolled unless the orifice they purchased allows them to empty themselves into it on demand.) Why not apply this attitude to sex with one’s husband? Given how important it is to most husbands, isn’t the payoff -- a happier, more communicative, and loving husband and a happier home -- worth it?"

No, moron, surrendering your sense of physical autonomy to someone is NOT worth it, and if you are in a relationship with someone who requires you to surrender your personal sovereignty over your body in order to feel loved, you need to leave, NOW, even if you happen to have a penis, for that matter. (The author is divorced, by the by, thankfully, and I truly feel sorry for whomever he forced to "endure" his attentions.) Allowing someone - male, female, what the fuck ever, into your personal space, when it is against your will, is not worth pleasing someone else. Period. Ever. I would know, because I have been both in situations where I have given in to please someone and haven't and, in both situations, I felt varying degrees of personal violation, and they are not as far apart as you would think.

However, I'm going to write about something that I think has been less covered than the fact that this is a thinly veiled excuse for allowing marital rape to take place.

I am sick. And. TIRED. Of this concept that women do not want sex. I could throw up, I'm so tired of it. I'm sick of it being assumed that, since I am a female, I am clearly not going to be the aggressor in that particular areas of relationship, that, since I am a female, I don't pursue sex, or that, since I am a female, I just grit my teeth and bear "it" when "it" happens. Or, worse, that, if I actually have, and do, engage in those behaviours, it's not because it's simply my unique personality, no - it's because I am confused about my role, and I don't know how I really feel about sex without having someone who happens to have a dick clue me in on it. (And, believe me, most of the be-dicked people I've met in my lifetime are pretty clueless on the topic.) It's made abundantly clear by his comparison of being "in the mood" for sex to a male being "in the mood" to go to work that he thinks women see sex as work the same way as men see a job as work.

Seriously? Is he joking? Does he think that women see sex as a chore? Who the hell has he been fucking? And what manual do we need to get this guy to give him a more substantial understanding of both female anatomy and human psychology (since males and females are all INDIVIDUALS)? Perhaps he wouldn't have had such poor luck with sex if he had treated his partners like, I don't know, human beings with desires that are just as valid as his (instead of thinking that his mighty penis power overrides her right to object). But, then, I wouldn't know - I'm just a walking orifice waiting for my opportunity to deny some man his rights.

What, so my "feminine nature" makes me incapable of a) comprehending why men want sex and b) comprehending how MEN (and only men) gather a sense of self-worth and a sense of being loved and valued from giving and taking physical love freely?

Is this guy stupid? Are most guys? Hell, are most people?

Here's where I'm not going to so much get graphic as...probably vaguely embarrassing for people who know me. Warning.

I love sex. I love consensual, mutually enjoyable, considerate, relaxed sex. It's one of my favorite things in the world, and would probably be my favorite thing in the world were it not for the fact that I have the attention span of a fruit fly. You've GOT to take a break for the occasional meal and some conversation about politics and the nature of reality.

Most of the other women I know who are not either a) survivors of some kind of horrific abuse that has rendered them emotionally or physically unresponsive, b) products of an oppressive patriarchal atmosphere that condemns sex as filthy and sinful (which is just this shy of A, in my opinion), or c) in a relationship with a completely insensitive asshat, feel the same way that I do. (And most of the women in categories A and B have overcome that anyway. C is overcome by a swift kick in the ass or a breakup, period, or it overlaps into A.)

However, I can't say that I have ever met a woman (or a man, for that matter) who enjoyed sex when they were out of sorts, when they just didn't feel like it, or when it was solely to please their partner without any desire whatsoever on their part. Perhaps I am just confused about my true nature as a sexual being, and I should start shrinking more like the violet I am. I don't see that in my crystal ball, though.

Or, to quote a commenter on his second post:

"Who are these women "always" saying "no" anyway? I don't know any."

Gods, just - the thought of anyone ever telling my daughter that someday she'll marry a man and he'll want to do...you know...things, dirty things, to her lady parts, and she'll just have to lay back and submit so that he'll continue to only do those dirty things to her, makes me want to cold-cock someone. Anyone ever tells my daughter that, they're getting injured. Period.

And, to give some gems from the comments section:

Maybe it was your "holier than thou", better than you attitude which caused the marital abuse, church abuse, and single parenthood you speak of. Every problem or conflict has two sides. Some people always give the woman the benefit of the doubt even though they don't deserve it. - In reply to a commenter who actually argued that women should have autonomy, and said that she had done the selflessly giving thing before and been abused as a result.

When a woman rejects sex with her husband she isn't just rejecting the act of physical union she is rejecting her husband AS A PERSON on the same level as if he were to tell her flat out that she's ugly, useless, stupid, and incompetent.
- In response to someone positing that, perhaps, other expressions of love can register on men as well. I swear, these people have a far lower opinion of men than feminists do. Refusing to have sex every time is one thing, but just refusing, ever, as a form of ultimate rejection? Give me a fucking break. I respect my boyfriend enough not to reduce him to his man bits, and, what's more, is that he respects himself that much, too. And anyone otherwise would be absolutely unacceptable.

In your concept of marriage where do your privileges end and your responsibilities begin? When do your wishes bow before your husband's wishes? When do you begin to say "we" instead of "I" and "him" instead of "me"?
- I found the "him" rather than the appropriate repeated "we" at the end of that very telling. Where do your rights end and his begin (to intrude on yours)? Where do your desires end and his win out (apparently every time you just "don't feel like it" on a "whim")?

If a man is ignored in the home, he will seek service elsewhere
- However, I'm certain that, if a woman was not being emotionally fulfilled (or fulfilled sexually, for that matter), she would be condemned outright on this website for being a craven whore. However, if the Almighty Cock says that Man Need Sex, well, he has to get it somewhere, or, by Jove, it'll just fall off!

Speaking for myself, any women who does not believe that sexual affection towards their husband is important is delusional. If a wife has regard for the emotional well being of their husband they will consider this advice by Prager.- And any man who thinks that sex isn't important to women is an idiot; as if we don't have body image issues and see our partner's desire for us as a validation of sorts as well - however, the less insecure of us actually know that our partner not wanting to have sex right that moment does not mean that we are worthless beasts. For goodness' sakes. (To their credit, I think the majority of men know better than that as well.)


I think Jesse summed it up very well with his reply to the second article (which was not written when I started this):



A woman’s “no” must be honored in the sense that she probably shouldn’t be raped after saying it, but it shouldn’t be honored in the sense that she should be able to actually say it or think it. This is why Prager’s advocating marital rape, no matter what he says - he accepts that a lack of consent should be honored if given, but then spends his time arguing that it should never be given, because she owes it to the man to always say yes. Accepting a woman’s consent or lack thereof to sex is kind of meaningless if it’s bracketed by the belief that there’s almost never a legitimate lack of consent to be given.

And that, my friends, is the truth.

I would say I hope this guy never, ever has sex again, but I don't think I need to hope very hard, frankly.