Tomorrow

I'm torn between being excited and terrified. The last election cycle I was a libertarian who just wanted Bush out of office, so I was very upset, but only that Bush wasn't out of office (I voted Kerry anyway). However, I have a great deal invested in the election this time around.

Am I the only one who will be absolutely emotionally demolished if Obama loses?

I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight, or sit still until it's over.

I don't generally believe that the gods care overmuch about our politics, but that isn't stopping me from praying fervently, which is not something I do frequently.

Please, Lady, grant us this chance.

Edit: I figured out what it is. It's too much hurt. The past four years, for me (because I really wasn't paying that much attention for the four before it) have been a pretty much nonstop cutting and opening of wounds. The realization that some of our essential liberties had gone down the toilet. The realization that I was putting on a uniform every day as a sworn defender of the Constitution and that I was serving a domestic enemy of said document. Watching the economy go down the toilet, comrades die in a war that had no reason, and the earth that I worship being destroyed by an economic policy that completely divorces itself from any responsibility. It hurts; every day it hurts, and this is a chance to start to heal those wounds.

However, it feels like allowing myself to hope and then being proven wrong would make said wounds mortal. It would just hurt too much.

So I'm spending today on the edge of my seat, praying, and weeping, because I want change - I just want it so badly that I can't even dare to hope for it, because the hurt has crushed everything else.

I need to badly to believe that something extraordinary is possible; otherwise, what do we live for?