Thoughts

1. I am very, very glad that my daughter is still little enough to think that I am cool, and to want to play with me and snuggle with me. Even though sometimes I'm in need of me time and space, I am acutely aware of the fact that this will not last very long. She's curled up in my lap right now watching the Heffalump Movie.

2. I think why I'm so agitated about my son right now is because it's the holiday season, my daughter's the same age as he was when he left for Montana two and a half years ago (she was born two days later, a scheduled C-section, in a very planned-out transition), and things seem to keep creeping up to remind me of all of this. I don't know what exactly this means for me. I am also very glad to know that he is safe and very much loved and cared for where he is. I just think a lot of people have been very deliberately cheated and manipulated in this situation.

3. I have been with The Boyfriend for slightly over a year now, and I have not grown remotely tired of him or of any of his tendencies. I know that some people would say that being in a relationship with someone so like you is inadvisable (usually the recommended sort for an INTP is an ENTJ or ENFJ, as opposed to another INXP), but it's helpful because a) we understand each other and b) it provides me with a mirror to see some of my personality traits and evaluate them. I do think he's the better half of this relationship - not because I love him, but because I see so very much good in him that is still just potential in me (at best).

We still trade emails when one of us is at work and the other is at home, and are still extremely affectionate (which my daughter apparently loves - she's constantly demanding for us to kiss and hug; I think it makes her feel secure). We still miss each other whenever we're separated for more than a few hours, but, at the same time, seek out time to ourselves, both with friends and on our own, because we both know how our I demands for that time. (We also have a hard time shutting up once we start talking, and have been known to stay up until the wee hours because one of us will get started, which will get the other started, and we'll bounce off of each other until both of us pass out from exhaustion.)

I am also amazed by how he functions as a parent. He never wanted children of his own because he thought that he would not have the patience for it, but, upon meeting Morgan, and especially since we moved in together, has proceeded to surprise me with his insights into how to handle a very small child. For someone who thought he wouldn't have the patience to have children, he has consistently proven himself to be more patient and rational than me when dealing with her, and has also been more consistent in his responses to things.

Morgan's been known to be rather...finicky...in her affection, but is frequently pretty rough with him in terms of how she responds. It's not uncommon for her to reject him harshly when she's in a mood where she only wants me, or when she's angry or upset, and, where I know that I would be hurt and would probably have a difficult time connecting with her, he just brushes it off on her being a small child and continues to be himself. He truly demonstrates time and time again that he is a wonderful parent, even just having seven months of full-time experience, and I cannot think of anyone else I would choose to have stepped into my daughter's (and my) life.

I am grateful to Deity for unexpected blessings like him (because this relationship almost literally fell into my lap at a very unlikely time). Even if he doesn't believe like I do, I still am thrilled to know that he will be one of the major images my daughter will grow to understand of the God. I could do far worse than to give her a gentle, kind, but firm view of the Lord, and hope that I will be an adequate representation of the Lady as well. Not all single parents who end up partnered have this good of fortune.

4. I love Winnie the Pooh, and everything else written by A. A. Milne. I really feel like he lived in Myth Time, too.

5. I am really enjoying a new book I got for Christmas - "Buddhism for Mothers of Young Children."

Fin'.